Friday, February 12, 2010

“The human body is the best picture of the human soul.” Ludwig Wittgenstein

Ok I'll say it, I'm not totally comfortable with my body. I went from 185-195 and now I'm 130-140. It's a huge difference. I went from a size 15 to a size 5. It's nuts. My mother-in-law looked at me yesterday and said, "man you're so skinny." I know she means it in a loving way but I don't want to be thought of as "skinny."

Curvy and healthy looking yes, but not skinny. When I go into stores I still reach for the XL when I fit in s-m's. It's so frustrating. I shouldn't be complaining about being thinner because overall I feel a lot better about myself but I don't know this Dana.

This Dana needs...something. I don't know what it is yet. Hopefully I find it.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

It's not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it. ~From the television show The Golden Girls

So I guess I'm at the age when people are going to start asking more often about when I'm going to have kids. I don't want any kids. It's not that I don't like kids but I'm not meant to be a mom. I don't think I have it in me. I have no maternal instincts and generally I think I lack the emotion needed to be a mom.

It takes so much to be a mom, at least a good one. I don't want to be totally responsible for how another human being turns out. That's too much. I'm so lucky that Tim agrees with me. I just hope his mind doesn't change because I really don't think mine is ever going to.

Some people just aren't up to the task. Those who can't do, teach. That's who I am. I'm a teacher. I love teaching. I'm not specifically great at anything. Never have been. Always the bridesmaid, 2nd runner up, or just someone that's easy to overlook because they're mediocre at a lot of things. It's not to say that I'm not happy with it.

I'm happy with who I am. I satisfied with my mind, my body, my everything. And that feels good.